Too Funny For Words
I was digging through all my old comedy tapes and found this "love song" at the end of one of my Sam Kinison songs. This was just too funny not to post:
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"Well, something special tonight 'cause it's our last show, so I thought it appropriate to do a love song.
I wrote this about this girl I met about 5 years ago.
I was gonna come out with some money, you know and try to live out here for a while, and I met this girl and wanted to impress her, so I went through all my cash in about a year...
And then one day she said 'You know, Sam, there's something missing from our relationship." I said "It wouldn't be the cash by any chance, would it hunny?'
She said 'No, we found so many special things about each other, I'd hate to see it go to waste because the passion's gone. Can't we still see each other once in a while, and have lunch or see a movie, or.. Just be friends?'
I said 'Yeah 'friends', I think I know what you mean. I've become some emotional tampon you need 4 or 5 days a month, when no one else will take your *Cencord* bull*Cencord*. But we don't *Cencord*, ain't that right hunny? That's what friends is, we don't *Cencord*?'
She said 'Yeah, that's about it.' I wrote her this song, it goes like this:
YOU *Cencord* WH*Cencord*E! YOU USED ME! YOU NEVER LOVED ME! I HOPE YOU SLIDE UNDER A GAS TRUCK AND TASTE YOUR OWN *Cencord* BLOOD! DIE! DIE! DIE! I WANT MY RECORDS BACK! I WANT MY *Cencord* RECORDS BACK!"
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